Asking a person to stop driving can be a delicate, highly emotional matter. Family members delay having these conversations mainly because they want to avoid conflict and hurt feelings. Some adult children don't want to challenge a parent or may already be overloaded with other responsibilities.

The Conversation Planner: How Can I Have Good Conversations about Not Driving? worksheet can help families plan progressive and productive conversations.

It is rarely a good idea to have the conversation initiated by the person farthest away or least emotionally vested. The best choice is usually a spouse or an adult child who knows the driver's physical condition and driving abilities and has the person's best interests in mind.

If a relative's driving safety has been on family members' minds, it is time to talk about it and lay the foundation-before driving becomes a problem. Changes in medications and health status are good times for this discussion. Sometimes families wait until an accident or traffic violation happens, but then the driver may dismiss the incident as a common occurrence not related to his or her abilities.

Personalities and families vary, but it's usually better to have frequent, short conversations than a long, one-time conversation. If safety is a pressing concern, discussions need to be more direct and specific and conducted in a calm, reasonable and informative tone. It's important for family members to know that many, if not most, individuals with dementia have difficulty learning and remembering new information, even in the early states of dementia. They may not even recall a previous conversation about driving and act as if it's the first time the topic is being raised.