4 Practical Ways to Support Widows and Widowers

Over 15 million people in the U.S. are widowed (3.7 million are men, 11.48 million are women, per 2022 Census data). Chances are, you can think of at least one person in your circles who is currently widowed, facing widowhood or moving forward after loss. Perhaps you find yourself in one of those categories.

 

Even if you don’t have personal experience losing a partner, there are small but meaningful steps you can take to support those who have. These steps can even help you prepare for your own widowhood experience, as much as one can.

 

Getting your financial and legal ducks in a row – planning your retirement, for example, or writing advance directives – is a challenging process for most people. Imagine walking through that paperwork without a partner.

 

Offer to sit beside someone who needs to do preparatory paperwork, or to help attack the mountain of paperwork that accumulates after someone dies. You can offer moral support – a cross between a coach and an accountability partner. Hold their hand as they drop off the packet at the post office, or offer to go with them to the accountant or attorney’s office.

 

You may even want to suggest a special activity (lunch at a new restaurant in town, a walk through a beautiful park, or shopping at a favorite store) to acknowledge the difficulty of completing this step. Hold space for the mixed emotions that may arise: relief at the work being done and grief for the finality it represents.

 

Let your loved one talk about their person. Don’t be afraid to bring the deceased partner’s name up in conversation or ask questions about them. Look at pictures together. Let your loved one sob or curse, tell stories or jokes about their person, or allow them to reminisce about the hardships of caregiving and life.

 

Anger is part of the grief process; it’s a healthy way of dealing with the unfairness of sudden death or a drawn-out decline. Anger and sadness can also come with the scary unknowns of an altered future. Assure your friend or relative that all feelings are welcome. Be present as a safe place for those feelings to land however they must.

People who are grieving or anticipating loss still need to eat! Bring them meals, take them grocery shopping or out to dinner, pack a picnic lunch with their favorite drink and share it together on the back patio. Or invite them to your home for a meal to get out of the house for a bit.

 

Support their mental health and physical wellness by accompanying them to doctor’s appointments, therapy sessions or support groups. Take them on a day trip for a change of scenery.

 

Help them pack up or paint the house if they are prepping it for sale. Mow their lawn, change light bulbs, clean out gutters. Ask them what their spouse did that they need help doing now in their absence. If a change in vehicles is necessary, consult our Widows Guide to Car Buying & Selling.

 

People can get stuck in their grief. While we never want to diminish the pain of the process or put a time limit on it, there are situations when offering a gentle nudge – even early – on may be the little push they need to move forward. Even if it takes a while for them to take that first step.

 

You can suggest starting small. If they love art, for example, that could mean getting a small canvas and set of paints from an art supply store rather than taking a class with other people. If they’re interested in a class but don’t want to go alone, find one you can attend together. Scheduling events to look forward to is a great way to heal and grow after loss.

 

Don’t live nearby? There are many creative workshops offered online. This also gives your person the opportunity to do the class solo without leaving home or having to interact on hard days.

 

 

The Takeaway